Amma, so many choices were made, some had to be made and the others also had to be made. Where you and I are today is truly where we are meant to be, because if it wasn’t then we would be somewhere else. I see you nowadays as we video-chat on Whatsapp, your eyes lit with a sad smile as you enquire about my day and concern yourself with if I have had breakfast or tea. I notice all the stories your eyes tell me as your voice recounts your daily briefs to me. You and me, miles away, different countries and cultures, but nothing different in our worlds. Your day begins and ends in the Kitchen as does mine.
Somewhere in our lives we sacrificed so much of ourselves that we became spectators to this life that we are blessed with. Instead of living, we are stuck in a deep divide of responsibilities, both self-inflicted and role-inflicted, that we both have forgotten what it is to be a free and independent human. Our whole day, I see both you and me, slogging away trying to put a dent in our responsibilities, coffee, tea, breakfast needs to satisfy at least three different palates, cleaning, prepping, lunch, cleaning, prepping, dinner, cleaning, prepping and in between all these moments we are stuck with laundry, washing, bathing, picking up, getting overwhelmed and angry at the ones living with us, asking why do they not see how much is being done? silently hoping and praying they take notice and volunteer help and somehow this monotonous but noble work of being a primary care giver, becomes less oppressive.
Amma, truth is we are lost, and in the darkness we are blinded and bound to all these things that we have taken on our identity. We are lost into the world and word of Mother, and we are scared of losing this. What are we if not a Mother? In trying to be a good daughter you lost who you were. You were not even given a chance to know yourself, you had to survive. In trying to be a good wife you further lost yourself, you had to save your marriage, you survived and became a mother. In trying to be a good mother, you toiled day and night, gave yourself to both earning money and caring for a family. You lost sleep, lost free time, and could not let go of the task of raising educated children, you imposed your will, stood your ground, and lost all avenues to self. I know this is true for you, because this has been my journey, history repeating itself, generation after generation.
Amma, we both need to find ourselves. This is of utmost importance to our family. You and I need to stand firm today and affirm that this ends with us. I am no longer a champion for passing this down as an ancestral inheritance to our progeny. The world as you know it changed and the world as I know it is changing. Our truths about the roles we have come here in this lifetime to fulfill is evolving and changing into new definitions. Look around us, the women all around the world are more empowered, as it should be. You and I need to change passage in the ships we are sailing based on the old definitions of identity. Whatever time we both have left in this lifetime, we need to speak our truths, draw our boundaries, establish new and better identities for ourselves and heal this ancestral pattern of loss, so we can bless our future with a more empowered identity. We both need to heal and that begins by acknowledging that yes we are broken as of yet, but tomorrow is a new day with new understanding of the past and its patterns we can rise to glue all our broken pieces to become something new. A new identity of you and I.
So, I offer this to you, since I cannot shower you with material objects of love. We each try to give our loved ones that which is most precious to us. Words, strung together with beautiful adjectives expressing emotions, sincerity and truth have been my most treasured gifts. As long as the divine graces me with this flow, I dedicate it to you. May these words heal you and I, and in turn heal our families, ancestors and our progeny.