Its extremely vulnerable and exhilarating to tell you these moving and deep personal experience. Its scary from one angle, because my conditioning automatically cares what you think about this, how you are going to judge me and if we are ever going to be on talking terms and see me in the same way as you did before, or think me as a complete lunatic. This is the process of unlearning. I am trying to teach you about unlearning before I can become an expert at it. It has to be done this way, if I wait to become an expert then these words will have to be channeled through someone somewhere in the far future. You will have to trust life and accept that you have to learn this unlearning with me, little at a time, after all somehow life led you to read this content, means that you and me both are somewhere on the same boat or hanging on to the same life-preserver, breathing and existing one breath at a time.
The last few weeks have been an interesting build-up of all events that are aligning themselves to match what has to be unlearnt at this time. The very first event that occurred in my life was the grand event of lifting a 44-pound bag of salt for the water-softener. If you don’t live in the US, we have hard water in certain areas of living and people install a water-softener that uses salt to transform the hard to soft water. As I write this, I just became aware of how amazing this transformation is: Salt is considered sacred and often in many cultures used to absorb negativity. Remember this piece of information as it will be re-visited later. To continue with my story, I have an injured back, and from multiple experiences I am blessed with wisdom to leave this task to my husband. However, this special day, I decided I will get it and save him a trip, especially during these times of Covid, and help with the water pressure issue we had been facing, which was also mostly me complaining that the shower did not have my desired pressure. As I eyed this bag, I said a prayer, I like Lorna Byrne’s teachings and she always says that unemployed angels answer your call. I took her word for it, prayed about what I was going to do, set an intention of the highest good and squatted down like I was supposed to and lifted the bag to the bottom of the shopping cart. Gently, I stood up and was amazed, nothing hurt. All was well! I thanked the unemployed angels and came out of the store. Step 1 was complete. I had nothing to fear, the angels were there.
As I neared my car, I began to pray again and requesting help, because it was one thing to move this monstrosity while squatting down and a completely different game to move in into the car from the bottom of the shopping cart. All along the way I imagined all kinds of synchronicities that I could experience, how younger stronger person without back troubles would bump into me and offer to load it into my car. It has happened before, but not this day. I reached the car and had to complete this task myself. It was cold and I had to be brave and trust that I would be given either strength or the best help in this situation. I did. I lifted it and threw it into the car. Easy, breezy and salty! Again, miracle, the angels were there and my back felt fine, no pain anywhere. I finally had mastered the art of asking for help and not relying on myself. I gave myself a big pat and drove home. Getting out of the car also was fine, I did however leave the task of unloading this bag to the males in the house.
A couple days later, I think it must have been the following Friday, I noticed the telltale sign that a big event was going to knock me onto all fours and cripple me. My back shifted to the left. I thought, ok, been there done that, what can I do to ward it off, as I did not have a Chiropractor on call. I practiced all my stretches, breathing, positive thinking, praying, and of course wearing the back belt. That Friday was particularly busy for me, having been tasked with a pet project for my husband, of coming up with an algorithm before its code was written. I do my best work sitting down with a pencil in my hand, which is what I did as I tried to positively think away the constant ache which turned into a stabbing pain in my back. As I tried to stand up, I realized I really could not straighten my back, my positive thinking had let me down. There were moments wherein thoughts of “No wonder those angels were unemployed” or “I would have fired them too” came into my field of thoughts. Hope you are all laughing at this point, even you dear unemployed angels. I don’t remember what I made for dinner, but I knew my children sympathized with me and I was really proud to see my Son sitting up straighter. I was in the midst of so much pain, I think they all helped me with dinner and dishes.
Finally, bed time arrived and I painstakingly climbed the stairs and got into bed and allowed myself to bawl and asked my husband to massage my back so the cramp would loosen its hold on me. He grabbed the heating pad and put it on my back and I finally found release in the tears and acceptance that I had again caused great pain to my poor overworked spine. I asked for forgiveness and fell asleep.
This is not the end of this story and it continues with multiple events that took place that showed which thought patterns I had successfully unlearnt, the ones that needed to be unlearnt and all the wonderful endings and new beginnings. I hope you will join me in the next post!